Cynical Flowers Can't Say No to Rosemary
by virulEntailments
Summary: You are Rose Lalonde, a girl just starting out in college. Maybe you're a little more than hurt when you finally meet your room mate. (TW: Self-harm) Description, triggers, warnings, etc. will change accordingly.
1. Chapter 1

A flaw here, a memory there. An echo of a voice, eyes you once caught. A secret there, a reminder here. Everything haunts you, but you can't cry. You can never cry again. For you no longer have a right to the mere shedding of your own tears.

You don't even deserve the blood that runs down your leg tonight.

You didn't belong in the first place, and now you've gone beyond unwelcome. Unwanted went to completely hated. It was gradual, but you finally got here. It's not something you wanted, it was inevitable. You are just terrible in every way. More than the failure they always told you you were. Complete trash is what you are. You try so hard but in the end all you are is worse than nothing, hindering things far more than helping when you didn't even belong in the first place. Your pathetic attempts to find a place in this world are what make you the scum of the Earth.

The worst scum there is.

You're stubborn and scarred, that much is true, but_ Cynical Flowers Can't Say No to Rosemary._

You walk in the room with a relaxed frown, toting your bags full of belongings. Today is your first day of college and you finally got to get away from those "parents" and "friends" of yours. The first thing you see is the comfy beige carpet. The second thing you see is the back of a flowy, bright red skirt that reaches the carpet. Your eyes slowly move up to rest on jet black hair, short and well-kept. The girl turns around, holding a small digital clock. You take note of the detail at the front of the skirt, which you find is ever-so slightly glittery as it shimmers in the light. You find that the black and green colors on the girl's t-shirt compliment the red skirt quite nicely. At the same time, you also happen to notice her full lips which appear to have black lipstick applied to them neatly. The shape of her mouth has you lost for a second before you realize she is speaking.

"-And oh dear I haven't reapplied my lipstick since this morning. How sloppy of me, I do apologize."

You blink and open your mouth to answer but decide against it as you watch the green stick of makeup glide across her smooth, silky lips. As she stands in front of the mirror next to the bathroom door, you idly wonder why you are so fixated on her mouth, it strikes you as a bit creepy on your part. Her slightly bent posture towards her refelction, intent on her visage, has you very interested. Her figure is a pirstene hourglass and her attractive appearance sends a pang right through you. You hope your face doesn't show your anxiety.

She straightens up, capping the lipstick and smoothing the green by sliding her lips together side to side. The girl you still don't know the name of looks at you expectantly before addressing you once again.

"Not much of a talker, I see?" The pretty girl says.

You register her voice and snap back to full-on reality. "Not especially, but I wouldn't call myself introverted. I'm Rose Lalonde, we appear to be room mates?"

She holds out a hand and you take it. Her skin is pale and smooth, nails perfect with green and purple polish. The purple designs on green shine match the purple ribbon that wraps around her slim waist.

"Kanaya Maryam. I did say that before but you seemed to be off in another world."

She spoke with a warm smile. Green did suit her well.

"Sorry," You apologize with a short smile in return. How formal this person is. Kanaya.

"Well," Kanaya said, surveying the dorm. "If you'd like, we could split the room in half. I don't know how you feel about these things but I'd like to respect your wishes if possible."

"It's fine," You say, setting your two bags down on the empty bed. You rest your hands on your hips and scan your surroundings. To the left of the front door is where you're standing. There are two beds and two night stands between them. Your bed is on the left, closest to the door. Straight across from the entrance is a medium-sized television set on a large dresser. To the right of the dresser appears to be the aforementioned restroom, a rectangular mirror is set vertical in between them. On the other side of the room is a dinky kitchenette, prodominantly a soft yellow. The place has an overall old home-like feel.

You sit on your bed and begin to feel slightly underdressed compared to your new room mate. Her beautiful look makes you look like, well, trash. You're only wearing a white and purple t-shirt with jeans, after all. Your only pair of jeans too. You thought you would blend better during your introduction to the campus this way but that clearly is not the case. You decide to change into your usual purple skirt.

As you unzip your bag, you see from the corner of your eye that Kanaya is watching you. Pulling out the folded long skirt, you stand up and walk to the bathroom past Kanaya. You walk into the restroom and set your clothes on the sink counter before sliding the closet-type door closed. You make sure to flip the little lock piece into the loop before slipping out of your jeans and carefully sliding on your skirt. It goes halfway down your calf, which is a convenient length for you. You love this skirt.

Unlatching the lock, you push open the door and step out. Kanaya is sitting on her bed, organizing her night stand. You decide this time you might contribute a bit to the introduction.

"So what do you major in?" You force a smile. You're good at it, no one can ever tell it's always fake.

"I chose Culinary Arts. It wasn't my first choice but it was the optimal course of study, all things considered," She said, picking up her digital clock from her bag and tweeking the bottom.

"Oh?" You say, slightly intrigued. "What happened, or is that too personal."

Kanaya sighs and sets the clock on her night stand. "My father has a few restaurants that need to be taken over and I must be a qualified heir."

"I see," You say, stepping over to your own bed and climbing on. "That's rather unfortunate. What was your first choice?"

"I would have loved to study Horticulture. Plant life was always wonderous to me. I took a couple classes in High School, the greenhouse was probably my favorite place," She says, smoothing the soft fabric of her skirt. "It was so relaxing, and the way you could make somethig grow on your own was just the greatest thing. The colors and just everything was beautiful."

You nod in understanding, thinking about it when you are pulled out of your reverie.

"What is it that you major in?"

Looking up, you see her curious green eyes. Jade green.

"I chose performing arts," You say simply. "I'm under the impression there are many things you can do with such a degree. I hope someday I'll get over my minor stage fright."

More than intrigued look adorned, Kanaya scoots to match your position on your bed. "What do you desire to do?"

You sigh. "I intend to do something that doesn't have much to do with performing, truthfully."

"Well, what is it?" She says with her warm smile.

"It sounds foolish," You say, slightly embarassed. "But I'd love to have a maid cafe."

The girl's face seems to light up. "Oh goodness, do you enjoy anime?"

"Some, yes, though I just like the concept of a restaurant like that," You say, trying hard not to sound like a weird, perverse lesbian.

Kanaya clasps her hands together and brings them to her chest. "How adorable, I also find the idea of little maid cafes quite endearing. I think that the best part is how waitresses can also be actors of sorts."

"Exactly!" You exclaim. "As manager I could also dictate events, decor, menus, staff, everything. I could do anything, it would be wonderful."

You calm down from your ever-so slightly more excited state as Kanaya's features soften.

"You mean it WILL be wonderful. A splendid Japanese-style restaurant will belong to Rose Lalonde soon enough. It'll be a smashing hit, wherever it is to be located," She says with determination.

"New York," You pipe up. You can't help but smile the tiniest bit. An honest smile.

"Ah, another thing I thought I wanted to do when I was a child. Be an actor on broadway," Kanaya explains.

"I always wanted to perform too," Only a hint of sadness is present in your voice. Surprisingly, your room mate detects it.

"What's wrong?" She asks with slight concern. There's a pause.

"It's not a big deal, I didn't get into any of the school plays I tried out for," You tell her with a, hopefully, reassuring upturn of the lips. "I know, it's stupid."

"If it's important to you it's not stupid," She tells you. "Though, I can tell you that the one time I got in a school play it was ludicrous. I got such an insubstantial part with very few lines but I was still obligated to attend every practice and meeting. Sometimes I was not involved and my presense was still required. I can assure you, you really were not missing much."

"I know," You say with a sad smile, feet barely touching the carpet as you swing them back and forth. "I just would have wanted the reassurance, mostly. Proof that I had a little skill."

Kanaya nods in a way that urges you to go on.

You continue. "Up until eighth grade I was determined to be a singer, it's all that kept me going and strong. I suppose one too many things took a toll on my view of reality?"

You pause. "I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense to you, it's not important at all."

She shakes her head as you laugh awkwardly.

"Do not apologize, I'm interested, and really I asked. After orientation would it be amiss if I were to ask a bit more about you?" She asked a bit hopefully. You looked at her face, pale yet fair skin. Her eyes that had such a lively gleam in their beautiful, colorful depths. Solid forest green. A color you realize you like a lot.

"I think that could be acceptable," You reply, slightly warily.

"Excellent!" Kanaya beams, jumping up and turning back to her half-empty suitcase. "I do hate to cut our exchange short but we really must be going momentarily!"

You nod and return to your own unpacking. With due caution, you open a small pocket inside the bag and hide the small object you find with it curled in your fingers, protected by your palm. You pull open the small empty drawer on your nightstand. You place the precious item in the back before quietly resealing the drawer. Kanaya thankfully takes no notice and hasn't even looked up from her rummaging.

With a tiny, hopefully inconspicuous, cardboard box and roll of paper towels, you head to the bathroom. You place the items safely in the cupboard beneath the sink, unbeknownst to your roomie. You return to your bed and pick up the bag before emtying your clothes in the dresser next to the restroom.

Before long, you and Kanaya are on your way to your first-day introduction to college.


	2. Chapter 2

"Orange is always a nice color," Kanaya notes, watching the sunset ahead.

You nod and watch you surroundings as you walk back to your dorm with her. The West Dorm is a girls' Dormitory, as is the South Dorm. You would have liked to have been in the South Dorm just because it's a little smaller, and you like the colors black and purple more than you like green and black. You wonder who decides what colors are for what dorms, but you think it's not important enough to find out. The gravel beneath your feet serving as a sidewalk crunches and clicks as you turn your attention to your feet. You're getting hungry and a little nervous. You actually don't want to say any more about yourself. Talking about yourself makes you uncomfortable. Having no idea why you were such an irksome chatterbox earlier, you regret your agreement with this person you just met this morning. Hopefully she isn't too determined to be nosy. She doesn't want to know about you anyway. Scaring people off isn't something you want to do.

"How do you not describe yourself as quiet? You're like a little mouse," Kanaya comments.

You look at her and look away shortly after. Those eyes are messing with you and you don't want to be compared to a mouse. You're a good inch shorter than Kanaya and you don't really like it. Actually you're unreasonably nervous. What if something bad happens again?

"If there's a set subject I can talk for hours," You reply simply.

"Hm, what did you think of the assembly?" She asks you.

Trying to make conversation, you guess. "Same as always as expected, somewhat boring if you ask me."

"That's fair, I was honestly hoping for a little more myself," She says thoughtfully. "I suppose I expected this as well to some extent."

"Yeah," You agree.

Great conversation there.

You arrive at the dorm entrance and she holds the door open for you. Stepping inside, you make the short walk down the corridor, and come to your room, 413. You open your door with a little jostling. Kanaya enters and closes the door behind her with a click. Out the window, you see the other students returning to their own rooms. Heading to the kitchen, Kanaya sets down her plastic bag and takes out your food from the cafeteria.

"Do you know which one is yours?"

You open a package and find your stupid lasagna. You don't even like lasagna but it was the only thing remotely of interest. You're eating it only because it has meat sauce, unlike your mom's lasagna. "This one's mine," You say with a smile.

She smiles back and sits at the small table, motioning for you to join her. You sit in the other chair across from her.

"Tell me about yourself," You request. Hopefully she won't ask about you now.

"There's not much to me," She says after a pause. "I was born in Michigan, raised there until I was ten, and my mother died in a car accident. My parents were good, if I had to judge. As a ten-year old, I was a bit more devastated than an adult would have been or I would have been now, but it was alright. I had my friends and my father. They were very good to me and I went to middle school without too much of a struggle. I missed my mother but I moved on. I'd like to think she would have been proud of me."

You nod. "I'm sorry about your mom. That's really... strong of you to have moved on so well." You try to respond well. You know people have their own problems, these are Kanaya's. You could never, ever talk about yourself to her. You'll never make things worse for anyone ever again. No more mistakes.

"It's alright," she laughs. "Like I said, I was fine. She's probably looking at me now and is exceptionally glad I'm here."

"I have no doubts," You tell her with a slight upturn of the lips. "Please, continue."

"Yes, my middle school years were somewhat uneventful, but they weren't without their ups and downs. I had my friends and enemies like every other girl. The thing that stands out most is the last day of seventh grade. That day we weren't doing much in the way of learning, but I distinctly remember having a falling out with my best friend. He had apparently kept a secret from me, and I was a little more than offended. We told each other everything. He did understand, but I may have been a little harsh, I don't know. We argued and didn't speak with one another until about a month later. I was really considering what happened and messaged him, he replied instantly, thankfully. I don't remember much of what we said, but we apologized and made up. He's still my best friend today, even if we're a little more distant."

You start eating and pause to ask her something you're curious about. "I'm wondering what that secret was, if that's not too personal."

Kanaya thinks for a minute, eating her own meal, and then explains. "I think it's alright to say, considering he's over it now, and you don't even know him. His name is Karkat, he didn't tell me he was bisexual and he was actually crushing on a boy. Meanwhile he had been leading me believe he was still falling head over heels for a female friend of ours, Terezi. Hopefully he won't mind me telling you this."

"Oh," You say. "Is he open about it now?"

"Yes," She says happily. "I'm proud of him for that. He's had a serious relationship for a while now, with a nice boy, at that."

"That's good," You nod and return to your dinner.

Not long after, Kanaya speaks up again. "Would you be so kind as to tell me more about yourself as well?"

"I guess I will," You say hesitantly, eyes turning to look sideways at the floor beside the table.

She looks at you expectantly, always with at least a bit of a cheery appearance.

"About my friends, I would say they were always a little different," You begin, setting down your fork and placing your hands on either side of your chair. "It was kind of sad, watching them every day. I could see through their odd acts and there was nothing I could do. These are my friends now who I've had since eighth grade. Our group was full of the rejects. Anyone who needed a place to belong would come there. It was great at times, but there were serious downsides too."

She nods, looking interested. You continue, carefully choosing your words.

"Our group's philosophy was more of a 'let's be dumbasses and laugh so we forget our problems' instead of 'let's talk about our problems and deal with them together'. There was nothing I could really do. Whenever I tried to be serious, it never turned out well. Each of them was set on their own unique way of dealing with things. I could rattle them off if you were even interested in it."

"I am," Kanaya encourages you. "I enjoy listening to you. It's much more complicated than anything I could probably tell you about. Continue?"

You sigh and somewhat reluctantly go on. "One guy I knew drowned his insecurities and uncertainties by ignoring any bad thing that came his way. He was almost always smiling in this weird way, and when people were rude or mocking him, he would just laugh and make stupid remarks. He wasn't dumb, I could tell he knew what was going on, but he chose to ignore it. He wasn't happy either, I knew. There was never anything I could do and I stopped trying eventually. My efforts went unappreciated, as usual, but it was particularly difficult to help with no results in this case. If he were asked if I was his friend I'd imagine he'd say 'Yeah, I guess'. So, that's basically one summed up."

"Oh," She says, one eyebrow rose ever so slightly. "That's a bit rude of him, you know him that well?"

"I would say so, yeah," You nod.

"That's very unfortunate," She says almost solemnly.

"I guess," You respond.

The two of you eventually finish your meals and throw away your trash. Heading over to your bed, you glance at your roommate, and notice she's looking at you. Is she studying you? Why would she do that? You don't like it very much.

"We should discuss typical girl stuff," Kanaya says, hopping onto her bed while still managing to have a graceful mystique in doing so.

You lie back on your pillow, rolling onto your side to face her. "I'm not sure how well I would do at that."

"It's quite alright," She waves it off, also lying on her side and facing you. Her figure is shown off marvelously in this position, you're not sure how you feel about it, but you know she's very beautiful. You wish you were so attractive, not that you could have any feelings for anyone like that anyway. "Start with boys! How many guys has a girl as pretty as you gone out with?"

You appreciate her effort to make you feel attractive. "Seven."

"My, that's a lot," She smiles. "I've had three, plus one girlfriend, I'm actually a lesbian."

You're taken aback. "Really?"

"Yes, I hope that's alright with you, I won't be intrusive and I'll respect your boundaries," She says, getting up and walking to the dresser.

"No, it's fine," You say and follow her. "I don't care much for set boundaries, it's not like you're going to jump all over me and eat me alive."

She laughs. "No, I can promise you that's not something I would do. Your safety is assured."

"Thanks for that," You say jokingly, digging into your bottom drawer for your pajamas. Finding them without difficulty, you hold them up like a trophy. "Look, they're beautiful."

"Very comely," Kanaya nods, holding up her own jade green, silk button-up night shirt and comfy pants. The color matches her striking eyes and it makes you wish you could look so amazing, especially with your own eye colored clothing. Purple is still your own favorite color, regardless, and you couldn't pull off such a bright color anyway.

"I like yours almost as much as mine," She finishes.

"They are pretty attractive," You comment like a movie critique. What an understatement. With that, you slip into the bathroom and change into your purple outfit. Your sleep wear is more puffy and soft than silky. A light purple top accompanies the dark purple bottoms. You open the bathroom door smoothly as you exit, rejoining your roommate.

"I see that you look just as dashing in your elaborate fashion pieces as I do in mine," She says in a light tone.

"Don't you brag, not all of us can be super fashion queens," You playfully scold her.

Kanaya smiles and bids you a goodnight before turning out the light switch. Both of you climb under the covers, she rolls over and closes her eyes, as you pull out your iPod from your pocket. Your fanfiction awaits.

Although, before you're set on your work, your eyes wander over to the resting figure for a quick glance. If you're truthful with yourself, you'll say her beauty is even more prominent when she's sleeping. She looks so peaceful, not to mention graceful. Her eyelashes barely touch the surface of her smooth, pale skin. You shake your head and turn over. Reading and writing, wizards and fantasy, this is your fun, not some girl you just met. You remind yourself that hope is deadly, focusing on the internet yet again.


End file.
